


Helpless

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Falling In Love, Hanahaki Disease, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Maybe - Freeform, Oikawa's lovesick, Poor flattykawa, R.I.P, Tsundere Iwaizumi Hajime, hhhh, iwaoi - Freeform, iwaoi for the win, mayhaps a hamilton reference, or two, sorry - Freeform, straight iwaizumi??, who knows - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 00:42:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26438137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: In a universe where Oikawa has eyes for a certain spikey-haired childhood best friend, he is suffering. But of course, he ignores it because what is one supposed to do when helpless?
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Kudos: 23





	1. it's not love, i swear

**Author's Note:**

> wow okay so it's been a while since i've written anything and put it on the internet. it's like i'm publishing my first fic again...yikes.
> 
> anyway, enjoy!

“Iwa-chan! Why don’t you come hang out with me after school like we used to?” Oikawa ran up to Iwaizumi after practice and latched onto his arm.

“Because, Stupidkawa, you’ve gotten more annoying since we were kids.” Iwaizumi shook Oikawa off of his arm then proceeded to down the rest of his water. “Get off me now, you’re sweaty. It’s gross.”

Oikawa pouted. “But Iwa-chan~! My mom says she misses you, why not come over today?” He followed him to the club room to change into casual clothes.

“No.” Iwaizumi stripped off his shirt, back facing the setter. “Besides, I came over a few weeks ago.”

“Yeah, but we just studied the whole time. That’s boring! We haven’t hung out as friends in a long time, Iwa-chan.” Oikawa twirled a strand of hair around his index finger.

“Correction, _I_ studied the whole time. _You_ just bothered me and played games.” He sighed, slipping on his grey hoodie and adjusting the strings. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and faced Oikawa, glaring at him.

“Well, we don’t have to study today! We can play games or just chill. Come on Iwa-chan~” He pleaded, hoping that he could bother Iwaizumi enough for him to give in.

Iwaizumi couldn’t refuse anymore, he just Oikawa to stop annoying him. “Fine, let's just go.”

Oikawa’s eyes lit up. “Yay! Iwa-chan!” 

“Shut up, Shittykawa.” Iwaizumi scoffed at his friend. “You’re gonna make me change my mind.”

The walk to Oikawa’s house was unusually quiet. Guess Oikawa took what he said seriously. For once.

“Mom!” Oikawa called out with a grin. “Guess who’s here!”

His mom walked around the corner to be greeted by a grumpy-looking Iwaizumi. “Hello.” He spoke, taking his shoes off.

“Aww, Iwaizumi-Kun. Are you here to study?” Oikawa’s mom wiped her hands on her apron so she could give both of them a hug. 

“No, ma’am. Your annoying son dragged me along to play games today. I didn’t really have a choice.” He gave a slight smile to Oikawa’s mom while shooting a death glare at Oikawa.

“Iwa-chan, you’re so rude! All I wanted to do was hang out with my childhood friend, is that so bad?” He pouted.

“Yes.” He deadpanned, face looking as mean as ever.

“Whatever. I got a new game last week, come play with me.” Oikawa made his way upstairs to his room with Iwaizumi trailing behind him.

After a while, Oikawa began to feel his chest tighten. He coughed and ignored it. It might not seem like anything unusual or strange, but Oikawa cherished his time with Iwaizumi. It might seem like the latter hated him, but they’ve been good friends since they were little kids. Iwaizumi would always look after Oikawa, despite wanting to punch him every three seconds. Iwaizumi cared deeply for Oikawa, always reminding him how good of a player is and telling him to not overwork himself.

Sometimes it seems like Iwaizumi is Oikawa’s babysitter, but neither of them complains too much about it. Oikawa enjoys irritating his Iwa-chan.

Ever since they were little kids, Oikawa felt some degree of attraction towards him. The way he would smile when they played volleyball together, even though that was rare, Oikawa never missed any of it. As they got older together, those smiles became less and less common. He never showed it, but Oikawa had deep feelings for Iwaizumi. Feelings that he didn’t want to escape his mouth because if they did, it would be all over. 

Those feelings planted and rooted deep in the pretty boys lungs. They wrapped themselves around his heart and brain until it was unbearable. He couldn’t think or even breathe properly around Iwaizumi. Sometimes, his lungs would itch from the inside, but when he does that “weird hairball thing”, as Iwaizumi called it, it never goes away. All he wanted to do was spill everything he felt towards the ace. He wanted to be wrapped in his warm embrace and inhale the strong scent of Axe Body Spray. He wanted to go on walks and dates with him. To wake up next to him and feel the warm summer sun engulfing the room through the slightly open curtains.

But Iwaizumi would never understand.

Oikawa felt another cough bubbling up in his chest, but this time, he knew it was more than _just a cough_ , but what he thought it was, isn’t possible. Right?

“Shittykawa, you look like you’re going to puke. Are you alright? Maybe this game is too gory for you.” Iwaizumi laughed at that thought.

“I’m fine, Iwa-chan. Give me a minute.” He left the room and headed to the bathroom. Leaning over the toilet, Oikawa heaved and heaved, but nothing came out. He laid down on the chill tiles of the bathroom floor and sat there, staring at the ceiling, mind exploring, and heart racing.

He held on to the thoughts of Iwaizumi holding him in his arms. He imagined the warmth of his arms. He imagined what Iwaizumi’s hands felt like, running through his hair, what his lips felt like on his own. 

Oikawa brought a hand up to his face and felt his lips. Dry. He pressed a clammy hand against his burning face and let out a sigh. 

“Boy you got me helpless…” He sang with a sad smile. 

A knock sounded at the door. “Did you fall in the toilet, Oikawa? What’s taking you so long?” Iwaizumi spoke through the door.

“I’m fine, Iwa-chan. Just a little hot, that’s all.” Oikawa sat up, head still spinning, and made his way to the sink. “Let me wash my face, then I’ll be out.”

“Whatever. I’m gonna head home, it’s getting dark.” Iwaizumi spoke once again. He stood there, arms folded, waiting for the setter to get out.

Oikawa looked out the window. Sunset.

“Wait, Iwa-chan~ I’ll walk you halfway there.” He emerged, still drying his face off.

“No.”

Oikawa chuckled. “You don’t have a choice, Iwa-chan.” He smiled and made his way to his shoes. 

“Where are you heading, Oikawa?” His mom asked, standing at the door.

“I’m gonna walk Iwa-chan home right now. Don’t worry, Mom, I’ll be safe.” He hugged his mom and stepped through the threshold.

“Nice seeing you again.” Iwaizumi waved at Oikawa’s mom before exiting the house.


	2. Chapter 2

It's been a few days since Oikawa nearly vomited in front of Iwaizumi. He made sure to never do that again. 

But, of course, things never go as planned.

Oikawa felt sort of ‘off’ all day. He could barely even focus on class, causing his teachers to get irritated with him multiple times. He would often stare out the window, daydreaming about Iwaizumi. He couldn’t wait until practice so he could see him. All he wanted to do was set for Iwaizumi, that being the only thing he’s good for at the moment.

That and being a nuisance. 

Sometimes, Oikawa wondered if the ace really even cared about him. Yeah, of course, they were childhood friends, but how long do you have to be friends with someone before they get fed up with you? Who really knows anymore. 

Iwaizumi cared for him, but to what extent? He always hits Oikawa, even headbutting him once. He seemed a bit worried about the latter when he was at his house, but was that out of being a friend or just another human being?

Who knows anymore.

“Oi! Shittykawa! Get your head out of your ass!” Shouted Iwaizumi during practice. 

Oikawa stood there, blinking, unable to focus. The ground seemed to sway beneath him. His mouth was bitter, he knew what was coming. 

Oikawa turned on his heels and ran to the bathrooms, covering his mouth.  _ Not now, not now. Please, God, not now! _ He pleaded as if that would actually do anything. He slammed the stall door open, hitting the wall, and fell to his knees, heaving into the toilet. The center of his chest was in pain and tears were forming at the corners of his umber eyes. He wasn’t sure if it was from the strain or if he was crying because he knew that any second, without a doubt, Iwaizumi and the rest of the team would run in there to see if the captain’s okay. 

He couldn’t let them find out, even if it killed him. He had to cover up his blatantly obvious crush on Iwaizumi somehow.

See, Iwaizumi is probably one of the straightest people Oikawa knows, he bathes in Axe. (Not really, but it smells like it, and that’s one of Oikawa’s favorite things about him. He finds it comforting, even though it burns his nose at times.) Oikawa’s never seen Iwaizumi date a girl, much less have a crush on one, but he just knew it. 

A knock sounded at the door. “Oikawa! We’re coming in!”

He looked down, there was nothing yet. No petals, no seeds. Nothing. 

Sighing, he got up, flushed the toilet anyways, and met the team at the door.

“Don’t worry, guys. My stomach just cramped up really bad, I thought I might shit myself, but it’s fine now.” He smiled and waved them on.

“What? That's kinda gross, Trashykawa, never say that again.” Iwaizumi deadpanned and walked back to the court. 

“Okay, Iwa-chan~ I’m gonna head home now. Take care of the team for me~” Oikawa grabbed his back and headed out the door without looking back. He could feel their eyes on him, watching his every move like he’s a criminal.

Once Oikawa was halfway home, he stopped walking and sat on the concrete sidewalk. He inhaled the crisp autumn air, letting it burn its way through his body. He sat there, mind blank, but so full at the same time. He wanted Iwaizumi to know, he really did, but he wasn’t sure if he was ready to be out there like that.

Yeah, being single sucks ass, but being out as gay  _ and _ crushing on your  _ straight _ best friend would be worse. Yeah, it could be worse.

The pretty boy unlocked his phone and plugged in his headphones. There’s this playlist he made that reminds him of Iwaizumi. He always listens to it when he’s feeling lonely, it makes him feel warm like there's someone next to him, placing their hand on his back and...

“Are you okay, Oikawa?” There was a familiar, intoxicating scent, one that Oikawa could recognize from hundreds of meters away.

“Iwa-chan? What the hell? I thought you were still practicing.” Oikawa’s eyes widened, he averted his gaze, hoping that Iwaizumi didn’t notice the warm tears beading at the corners of his eyes.

“Nope. Remember, our setter left? He’s been acting strange lately. Every time I want to talk to him, he puts up a front, like he doesn’t care what happens to him.” Iwaizumi sat down next to the captain and kept his eyes off of him.

Oikawa sniffled, a bit louder than he anticipated. “I’m not the only setter, you know. You don’t give Shigeru enough credit, he’s as good of a player as I am.” 

“Of course he is, but, I’m gonna be honest here, I like your tosses better.” Iwaizumi offered a slight smile. It was a rare sight, and Oikawa was internally screaming.

He never noticed how breathtaking Iwaizumi’s side profile was. Strange, considering Oikawa’s madly in love with the spikey-haired ace. He considers spilling everything right there, hoping that Iwaizumi would  _ at least _ acknowledge his feelings. 

Then again, he couldn’t help but want something more than an acknowledgment. He wanted his hand to be held. He wanted to have fewer nights fantasizing about Iwaizumi’s body on his. He wanted those dreams, those pointless fantasies to become a reality. He wanted to go on dates and be cute with his Iwa-chan. And, after a long day of training, he wanted to be able to say those three words, the words that hold more meaning than anything else. Oikawa wanted to be able to tell Iwaizumi exactly how much he means to him. 

Just those thoughts alone could get him high.

There wasn’t anything else in the world that would satisfy Oikawa’s need, his  _ lust _ , his  _ love _ , his thoughts, and feelings. Nothing but those three words.

He could never bring himself to say them. Ever.

“Oi! Nothing? Not even an expression? Hello??” Iwaizumi poked Oikawa’s arm, trying to drag a response out of him.

“Oopsie. I zoned out. Sorry. Anyways, thanks, Iwa-chan. It means a lot to me.”  _ It means so, so much to me. Way more than it should. _ Oikawa smiled.

_ Iwaizumi Hajime, I like you. A lot. I know, I hate it too, it seems like the world is against me right now. _ Oikawa’s thoughts rang in the back of his head.

_ Something’s definitely up with this dumbass. _ Iwaizumi narrowed his eyes at his friend, not convinced for a second. 

After a couple of seconds, he decided to let it go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took longer than it should have. sorry about that, school's been kicking my ass lately ;-;

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on twitter! @.F4IRYD0LLS


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